True recovery is seen rather than heard. It shows itself in the way people live their lives, rather than in what they say.
Extract from A New Life (healing depression) by Dr Robert Lefever
Step 1 for Mood-altering Substances, Behaviours and Relationships
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable.
My life is a mess and I have lost control of some aspects of it. Some problems persist despite my repeated attempts (occasionally temporarily successful) to be in control. I have attempted to use some mood altering substances, behaviours and relationships in order to feel better. These attempts to comfort myself have eventually turned against me: the mood-altering effects have been progressively less successful, while the damaging consequences have grown. I have felt increasing self-pity, believing that I deserve better and to have a better life, and I have increasingly blamed other people, places and things for my pain. I have used some mood-altering substances, behaviours and relationships, saying that I need them, deserve them, and could not reasonably be expected to do without them. On some occasions I have tried to give up a particular mood-altering substance, behaviour or relationship and I have felt so bad that I “had to” go back to it, thus failing to acknowledge that the bad feelings are in fact direct withdrawal effects from previous use.
On occasions when I have succeeded in putting down one mood-altering substance, process or relationship, I have often increased my use of another. I have continued my use of mood-altering substances, processes and relationships despite the repeated serious concerns of other people and I have justified my actions (to myself if not always to them).
My way of life sometimes illustrates the very opposite of the characteristics of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness that are seen in recovery. I may have expected other people or the state to provide for me or to bail me out of my problems. I may have contributed progressively less to society. My relationships may have been immature, when I have expected other people to be sensitive to my needs and wants, irrespective of my behaviour towards them. Furthermore, my relationships have been damaged, or may even have broken down altogether, as a result of my behaviour.
Do I want to be rid of all my addictive outlets for my neurotransmission disease or do I want to hang on to some of them?
Am I frightened of change or staying as I am?
Am I ready to take responsibility for my own life?