In the first seven years of your life, a concept that I prefer to call the personality is gradually created from all the beliefs gathered from experiences in those early years. Because this personality was formed from beliefs in the past, the only future it can create will always relate to the past. So it will always create the same old story.
This personality seems very real, but I assure you it is not real, it is illusory, It is who we ‘think’ we are, not who we truly are. It is truly a credit to our creative potentiality, that we could make a concept seem so real, that we started believing we were it! These ‘personalities’ that we have created can only exist in the ‘past’ or the ‘future’, never in the present moment, never in reality!
The ‘inner critic’ is just one of the many aspects of this personality, which is always either defending or attacking, loving or hating, etc. The prime purpose of all the aspects of the personality is to keep it safe and it is constantly either seeking approval from, avoiding criticism, manipulating, defending, criticising, attacking itself and others to fulfil that purpose. It is as hopeless as a dog chasing it’s tail, and will continue until the personality is convinced that it is safe and secure. This is impossible because the only safe place, in fact the only real place is in the ‘present moment’, where all inspiration and originality exist.
Every time you identify with a thought, in other words every time you leave the present moment, you create a disturbance in the fabric of life. Depending on the thought, the personality will label it either good or bad, depression or joy, anger or excitement, you fill in the blank! This is when it becomes known as a ‘feeling’, initially it was only Life trying to wake you up.
The suffering begins when the ‘personality’ tries to ‘fix’ the feeling. This is hopeless, because a feeling can’t be fixed, it is a disturbance that has already happened and will continue as long you are identified with the thought (ie. trying to fix it), and will only pass when you honour the feeling in your body. It is usually felt in the abdomen, solar plexus or chest. When it seems that the feeling is in the head, that means that you are trying to fix or analyse it. When this happens, just become still and consciously look down towards your heart and allow the feeling to flow back there, so that it can pass away.
These disturbances/feelings let you know which aspect you are identifying with. If it is the ‘inner critic’ you may get feelings of anger, resentment, low self esteem etc and if it is the ‘inner cheerleader’, feelings of excitement, joy, pride etc may abound. The personality instantly tries to fix these feelings either by trying to get rid of the bad ones or extend the good ones. This is a hopeless activity called ‘addiction’.
The feelings never came to stay, they only came to wake you up to your Magnificence, to who you truly are. Every time you try to fix or change them, you make them ‘matter’! When you just notice them intently and do nothing, they always pass away because you are your true self again and that means that their job is complete. This is so simple, it is hilarious and yet it is not easy.
You, the master, lost yourself in your own creation (personality) many years ago and it has been hopelessly and desperately trying to continue it’s existence, constantly reinventing itself as it looks for verification, love, appreciation and approval from other personalities who are looking for the same.
When you begin to refrain from trying to fix your feelings, it will take a while for your ‘personality’ to get used to you being around again and like the seven year old it is, it will throw many tantrums. It will require you to have the courage and self trust to stay present, aware and focused in these moments and an earnest dedication to the understanding that you are absolutely not your thoughts or your personality. They certainly belong to you but they are not who you are. You can never know who you are, you can only be who you are, but you can certainly know who you are not (ie. thoughts, feelings, personality) and that is so wonderful, because when you are noticing who you are not, you are being who you are. Magnificence!
If you persevere in this understanding, eventually your ‘personality’ will begin to trust you and know that the ‘master’ is back. It will begin to feel safe for the first time and true peace will prevail!