When constant drinking too much develops into an alcohol problem, helping someone to overcome their unhealthy drinking habits can prove extremely difficult and often causes fractures in relationships or even complete abandonment.
Observing a loved one struggle with alcohol addiction is heartbreaking, especially if they are reluctant to accept help even when a friend or family member may go to extreme measures to find ways to help.
Helping someone with alcohol misuse is not an easy task and requires a large amount of patience, empathy, and understanding to support them in overcoming alcohol consumption. It is human nature to feel hurt and upset when someone you care for rejects your help and support, but being compassionate to let a friend or loved one know that you care is always a positive approach.
Early Signs Of Alcohol Use
Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to alcoholism, a devastating condition that has a serious impact on health with potential risks of fatality. Identifying early signs of alcohol misuse may prevent developing a severe addiction and help the person find the treatment they need before it becomes a problem that spirals out of control.
Typically, someone struggling to stop drinking finds their cravings for alcohol intense, making efforts to control their consumption of no use and they readily succumb to these urges. Drinking alcohol frequently, regardless of responsibilities, time, and regardless of financial consequences, could be some signs that someone may have an addiction problem and is unable to control their consumption.
It is common for someone with alcoholism to abandon social activities and interests to pursue their drinking habit in isolation and they may also continue to drink despite the detrimental effects it has on relationships, work, or physical health issues. In the early stages of alcohol misuse, a person may recognise a problem with alcohol consumption by experiencing withdrawal symptoms when they try to stop drinking; these are mainly strong cravings that they are unable to cope with, and it is preferable to resort to drinking again.
Knowing that a loved one can ruin their own life through alcohol abuse is damaging enough, but the hard fact is that many friends and family members looking for ways to help out become burdened with the problem and drained from their efforts along the way. Some of the very best intentions can backfire or even fuel the problem further, so maybe taking a more comprehensive and compassionate approach could help lessen the wearisome consequences of supporting someone struggling with alcohol addiction.
Co-dependent Relationships
A co-dependent relationship can be characterised by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. When this co-dependent relationship occurs, it can cause further complications in an addict’s recovery while damaging the mental health of the other person.
Sometimes, an individual may not be aware of their actions, although the commonest activities that define a co-dependent relationship are the following:
- Making excuses for the individual’s behaviour or avoiding the issue altogether
- Knowing that behaviours are out of order but continuing to stay in a relationship
- Giving emotional and financial support, even though one is aware of the potential harm it may cause
- Feeling anxious when not fulfilling the desires of the other person
- Incapable of finding a sense of satisfaction from other sources other than receiving approval from the other person
- Unable to find independence from the other person without confrontation
- Avoiding responsibilities and neglecting other relationships with the other person
Most people living within a co-dependent relationship may find themselves unwittingly enabling the other person’s drinking and allowing them to engage in risky behaviours without realising and may experience feelings of anxiety, guilt, or exhaustion.
Making positive changes can help the other person find their path to recovery through seeking professional help while getting mental health support for their own experiences. Stopping codependency and making these changes doesn’t mean that the relationship should end completely, but rather a way for both individuals to live without co-dependency.
Ways To Help An Alcoholic
Often, people ask themselves if they are doing right or wrong when trying to offer help and support for a loved one struggling with a drinking disorder. Forcing someone with an alcohol addiction to get treatment is always a risk and may result in aggravating the problems and causing further stress.
As well as available treatment options for alcohol addiction, there are several ways to approach a loved one about their drinking. The most effective way is to be open and honest and support your loved one with compassion, empathy, and understanding.
Avoid Enabling Behaviours
Enabling behaviours are common aspects seen in a codependent relationship, and it is important not to encourage alcohol addiction in any way. No matter how difficult it may be to watch someone suffer from alcoholism, if behaviours are allowed to continue, it can prevent the individual from seeking professional help for their condition.
You may try not making excuses for their behaviour or trying to cover up their inappropriate actions. Providing financial support, whether funding the addiction or paying bills on their behalf, can be avoided and perhaps put to a stop. Likewise, paying legal fees or bailing out a loved one for their actions may not be tolerated or acceptable.
Completing tasks or responsibilities for them may be stopped even when they cannot do it for themselves. Fueling the addiction by buying alcohol or visiting public houses and bars where alcohol is available can be agonising, or thinking that having a drink together will enhance your relationship is only going to encourage further consumption. Try not to cover up their mess but let them face their consequences without using you as a shield to hide behind.
Try not to avoid talking about alcohol issues even if you are unsure of the emotional risk. Talking is a great tool, and having a conversation with your loved one can have positive outcomes.
Talking To Someone With An Alcohol Problem
People who have confronted someone with an alcohol problem will be quick off the mark to say how difficult it is to talk about their situation. Having a conversation with an individual if in denial of their problem and rejects any help can make it very tricky to get help across to them.
It is important to think carefully before speaking and how you say it, as any comment that may appear critical or inconsiderate can cause the individual to shut down and retreat from communication.
Find the most suitable time and place without distractions or external noises. The tone should be calm and relaxed. It may be useful to write down some points you want to bring up during the conversation or consult with a professional who specialises in alcohol use disorder and can help with guidance. It is crucial to hold a conversation while the person is sober so their thinking is clear and they can better control their emotions. Above everything, be empathetic and considerate. Allow your loved one to talk, give helpful prompts and be honest with your answers and opinions.
Trying to discourage alcohol consumption by threatening actions of rehabilitation centres or professional intervention may block progressive communication and should be avoided at this stage. Remember, alcoholism is a condition that an individual can’t control, and they may continue to struggle to accept the need for help. It may take several attempts to communicate successfully, so be patient and keep trying. Some counsellors can help stage an intervention if needed and provide treatment options for when the individual is ready to accept help.
Under no circumstances should you make the individual feel guilty or blame them for having an alcohol problem. It should be remembered that alcohol use disorder is an illness like any other disease, and we should not be critical or hurtful by making inconsiderate remarks. If the conversation leads to a blame game, all mutual trust will be lost and further attempts to converse may prove more difficult.
Try to avoid using the word ‘you’ and turn the dialogue to yourself and talk about the effects the addiction has had on you and others. You can express the mental and emotional aspects of your relationship and how it is being damaged.
Remind them of the good times spent together and what that means to you. Quite often, people with an alcohol problem can change when they are aware of how their behaviour impacts the feelings of those who care about them. During the conversation, always be frank and use a gentle tone without escalated rants or accusing comments.
False promises may be common as an addict vows to comply in an attempt to terminate the conversation. Try to understand that the person with a drinking problem can’t help what they do as they are compelled to do it. They may be aware of your concern but would prefer you not to be on their case and may say things so you back off. This may be upsetting for a family member but it may help to remember not to be hard on them or expect them to promise something they are unable to do.
When everything fails and you are unable to motivate a family member or loved one to find expert help, you have come this far, and you should pat yourself on the back for trying. Helping a loved one is a tremendous task and it may help to have an intervention specialist to support you.
You cannot force someone and it may take some time for them to seek the help they need but remember they didn’t get ill in a day and it will probably take time to help them make these changes. At least you know where you are going now and are taking action towards that goal.
Get Help For Yourself
Helping a person struggling with alcohol misuse is stressful, and many people caring for loved ones find themselves overwhelmed and end up ruining their lives by overburdening with their efforts.
Perhaps you can find emotional support from friends and other family members, but never blame yourself for failure. Helping someone with a drinking problem is challenging, and you are not alone. Many people have experienced and are experiencing the same obstacles and share support groups. There is a practical support group for families based on an intervention method called CRA (community reinforcement approach) which provides support groups and practical advice on how to guide loved ones towards help.
Supporting Someone With Alcohol Addiction
Treatment for alcohol problems is important and can be addressed with the expertise and knowledge provided at rehabilitation centres and clinics that specialise in substance misuse. Withdrawal symptoms from alcohol can be complicated with intense cravings, relapse is commonly recurrent and overcoming the addiction are all challenges. Encouraging the person to get treatment at an alcohol rehab may be invaluable for long-term recovery and mental health support.
Even after receiving treatment, additional support is needed often by attending group or family therapy sessions to help with the recovery process.
Whatever professional treatment is chosen, a loved one will require friends and family who dedicate their support and will continue showing compassion and understanding to assist them on their path to sobriety.
At PROMIS, we understand the challenges of alcohol use disorder and recognise the difficulties surrounding family members desperately wanting to put things right. Helping people with alcohol use disorder is an admirable and compassionate way to show how much they care, but sometimes, there is a need to speak to someone who can offer to help when circumstances become overwhelming.
Our supportive team is at hand to welcome anyone seeking help and assist with any queries or concerns you may have regarding drug and alcohol misuse. Our compassionate approach and your dedicated care can help a person with an alcohol problem overcome their addiction.
