Living with an alcoholic spouse can get very difficult and emotional since it can affect your emotional, mental, and sometimes even physical well-being. Learning how to help an alcoholic spouse can help you slowly take the right steps for a better situation. 

How to Help an Alcoholic Spouse

It can be confusing to help a spouse struggling with alcoholism. On one hand, it’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love face the problem, so naturally, you want to help them. On the other hand, it can also feel like you’re slowly losing yourself in the process, since it can seem like someone else is dictating your mood.

Here are some ways to help a partner struggling with alcohol addiction get the right treatment:

Learn About Alcohol Use Disorder

Learning about alcohol use disorder and how it affects your partner is one of the first steps to helping someone deal with the problem. AUD isn’t just about drinking too much. It’s a chronic medical condition that changes a person’s brain chemistry. This means your partner can’t just “snap out” of it. They need to get proper help from professionals.

Deeper knowledge about AUD also matters because it will help you approach the situation with empathy instead of blame. The more you know about the effects of alcoholism, the more you’re able to make more informed decisions about the situation.

Gently Start the Conversation 

When you’re ready to start a conversation about your spouse’s drinking, you want to be honest but not harsh. Choosing the right moment is very important since it can avoid defensiveness and unproductive arguments. Choose a calm time when they’re sober and haven’t been drinking. 

Starting the conversation using “I” statements shows that you’re focusing on feelings and not shaming them for their actions. Additionally, stay calm even when you’re hurt. Maintain a steady tone so that they feel safe opening up, rather than feeling attacked. 

Encourage Professional Help

Once you’ve expressed your concern about substance abuse with your partner, it may be time to encourage them to get help. Remember to frame the suggestion as an act of care or love. Otherwise, it may look like you’re trying to pressure them into alcohol treatment. 

You can also offer to help with the process by assisting them in looking up therapists or treatment programmes. If possible, offering to go with them to an appointment can make them feel more comfortable about the idea of going to addiction treatment. 

Consider Intervention

In case your partner denies or resists help, you may want to consider an intervention. An intervention is an empathetic confrontation where loved ones gather to express their concerns about encouraging someone to receive treatment. It involves getting professional guidance and gathering a support team to approach the conversation with care and purpose. 

Although interventions can be helpful, remember that there may be times when they might not go perfectly. Interventions can be unpredictable, and it’s hard to predict how your partner may act. Therefore, it is advisable to prepare for a range of potential outcomes. 

Set Clear Boundaries

Another thing to do when living with an alcoholic partner is to set clear boundaries. This isn’t about being selfish or punishing your spouse. You should remember that your mental and emotional health is also at stake here, so setting boundaries can maintain your safety. 

Without boundaries, you may become completely consumed by your partner’s addiction. It can even get to a point where you make excuses for them or start tolerating behaviour that’s damaging to you. When communicating your boundaries, remember to be calm and direct. Don’t beat around the bush. Use a steady tone and simple language to ensure your thoughts are clearly understood. 

Take Care of Yourself As Well

Dealing with an alcoholic can take a toll on your well-being, so it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. While you can continue to give and put someone else’s needs first, the reality is that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Acknowledge your emotions during this emotionally challenging time. When helping someone addicted to alcohol, you’re allowed to feel negative emotions as well. Whether you feel sad, angry, or tired, find safe outlets to express these emotions instead of trying to suppress them all.

Additionally, creating space for your own needs or finding support groups such as Al-Anon can help you feel less hopeless when helping your spouse deal with addiction. 

Man thinking

What Is It Like to Live with an Alcoholic Partner?

Living with a partner who’s struggling with alcohol addiction can be exhausting. There are intense emotions involved, your mental health can slowly deteriorate, and your physical health is also on the line. 

Emotional Turmoil

Alcoholism can make a person feel unstable. The substance can significantly influence a person’s mood. One day may seem calm and peaceful, and the next day can be chaotic and filled with emotional shifts. 

These sudden shifts in a person’s mood can ultimately lead to emotional turmoil. Your days may be filled with anticipating the next bad thing that’s going to happen. It creates anxiety since the constant tension can lead to emotional burnout and a sense of helplessness. 

Loss of Trust

When alcohol takes over someone’s life, trust wears down quickly. Your partner may constantly lie about their drinking and make promises they don’t keep while under the influence. The loss of honesty between the two of you can really hurt, and the relationship starts to feel unpredictable, even during sober moments. 

Probability of Self-Blame

Another experience that people with alcoholic spouses have is self-blame. Many husbands or wives may think that they are the reason why their partner is drinking. They may even feel like they aren’t good enough as partners, perpetuating a harmful cycle of guilt. 

Mental and Physical Health Problems

The chronic stress of convincing someone to stop drinking can wear down your well-being. For instance, your spouse’s actions can create feelings of hopelessness and sadness. Over time, this can result in depression, especially if you feel like your significant other doesn’t see that you’re also suffering in this relationship. 

Constantly worrying about your partner’s health because of drinking can also reflect on your physical health. You may experience sleep disturbances, fatigue, and even muscle pain. These all result from the fight-or-flight mode your body may enter when you’re living in an unpredictable environment. 

Isolation and Shame

Isolation and shame can slowly creep in when you deal with an alcoholic spouse. You may slowly hide details of your relationship from close friends and family members because you don’t want to explain yourself to them. There may be times when you feel embarrassed about your partner’s behaviour. Even though you aren’t the one who’s drinking, you might be afraid that people will judge you for staying. 

How to Spot Alcoholism in a Partner

Learning how to identify the signs of alcohol abuse in your partner can help you point them in the right direction as early as possible. As a partner, you have a better understanding of their typical behaviour, personality, and daily routines, making you well-positioned to notice subtle changes that may indicate a developing problem.

Here are some signs that your spouse may need to seek help for alcohol addiction:

  • They Use Alcohol to Cope with Negative Emotions: If your partner starts to turn to alcohol because they’ve had a bad day or feel sad, then it may signify a psychological dependence on the substance. 
  • They Can’t Control Their Drinking: Once your partner shows signs that they’re unable to control their drinking, it may indicate an alcohol addiction.
  • They Start Exhibiting Secretive Behaviour: Secretive behaviour may come in the form of your partner hiding bottles or lying about how much alcohol they are drinking. Either way, this secrecy indicates the shame and guilt that comes with abusing alcohol. 
  • They Have Sudden Changes in Mood: Alcohol affects brain chemistry, and frequent heavy use can lead to sudden changes in mood. They become emotionally unstable within a short period. 
  • They Start Hiding Finances from You: Alcohol addiction can be expensive, and many people may take out loans or withdraw large amounts of money to fund their drinking. These behaviours are concerning and may indicate a problem like alcohol addiction. 

Can I Force My Husband or Wife into Treatment?

Under UK law, it’s not acceptable to force someone to go to rehab because of alcohol addiction. They should consent to attend rehab and voluntarily stay in the facility to receive treatment.

However, in rare and severe cases, your partner can be detained or “sectioned” under the Mental Health Act 1983. This law states that someone diagnosed with a severe mental disorder that poses a significant risk to themselves or others requires urgent assessment or treatment in a hospital setting. 

However, alcohol dependence alone is usually not sufficient for sectioning. A co-occurring mental health disorder that meets the criteria for detention is typically required for further assessment and potential involuntary admission.

When Should I Leave an Alcoholic?

It can be incredibly difficult to position yourself in a situation where you’re helping a partner struggling with addiction. If your spouse is open to seeking treatment and taking the first step toward recovery, it will be beneficial to stay with them.

However, if they continuously refuse treatment or even acknowledge that they have a problem, it may indicate that they are not ready for change. Although it’s never easy, considering leaving them can mean the best for you and your partner. 

Partners who begin to become abusive and violent because of alcoholism also pose a huge risk. When this is the case, it may be best to consider ending the relationship. This will help protect your well-being. Staying in the relationship can mean a continuous feeling of fear and anxiety that will slowly deteriorate your health. 

Find Professional Alcohol Addiction Treatment at PROMIS

It’s never easy to help an alcoholic overcome their struggles. If you have an alcoholic partner, it’s always best to reach out for professional help to see the different support services available to guide them towards recovery.

Here at PROMIS, we offer comprehensive alcohol use disorder treatment for clients. We’re here to help you and your partner navigate the challenges and complexities of alcohol addiction so that you both can live a happier and healthier life. 

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