When alcoholism affects someone you love, it can be difficult to convince them to get the treatment they need to heal and recover. Oftentimes, your loved one might even be in denial about the problem at hand. Learning how to help an alcoholic in denial can make it easier on your part to help convince someone to find treatment. 

How to Help an Alcoholic in Denial

With the right approach, you can help an alcoholic in denial overcome their problems. Here are some ways you can offer support for someone with a drinking problem who denies its existence.

Talk to Them Without Judgement

One of the first things you can do when approaching an alcoholic in denial is to talk to them without judgement. Rather than accusing or blaming them for their behaviour, try to express genuine concern about their well-being. Use “I” statements when raising your concerns. 

For instance, say, “I’m worried about how much you’ve been drinking.” These kinds of statements feel less like an attack and more like an actual concern. Staying calm and patient during this time creates a safe space for you and your loved one to acknowledge the problem. 

Learn About the Reality of Alcoholism

Alcoholism is deeper than just drinking too much at a party. This is a chronic medical condition that changes a person’s brain chemistry. As such, it also affects a person’s behaviour and emotional well-being. For someone in denial, the consequences and reality of the situation are hard to face.

Learning about the different signs, symptoms, and effects of addiction can help you better understand what your loved one is going through. The more you understand the nature of alcoholism, the more likely you are to keep the conversation grounded in care rather than confrontation. 

Set Expectations and Boundaries

Clear expectations and healthy boundaries protect you when helping someone in denial about their alcoholism. It’s not about being cold or selfish; instead, it’s more about being honest with what you can and cannot accept in a relationship. 

It can be uncomfortable to set these boundaries, especially if your loved one is accustomed to you prioritising their needs over your own. However, with healthy boundaries in place, it shows them what a healthy relationship looks like and may even encourage the other person to change their behaviours eventually. 

Avoid Enabling Their Actions

It’s natural to help someone you care about overcome their struggles with alcoholism. However, when the person in need of help is in denial about the situation, it can be tempting to keep the peace by downplaying the issue. While that’s helpful in the short term, this enables their harmful behaviour and even reinforces their denial in the long run. 

Enabling someone who’s in denial of their struggles with alcoholism may look like laughing off their behaviour, avoiding difficult conversations, or making excuses for the messes they’ve made. While these actions can temporarily diffuse the situation, they create a sense of false normality and can lead the person to believe that there’s no problem at all.

Help them Access Professional Support

Someone in denial about their harmful drinking habits is unlikely to seek help on their own. While this can make you feel hopeless about the situation, it doesn’t mean you are powerless to do anything about it. When possible, gently encourage them to seek professional help so that they can get the treatment they deserve. 

Calmly mention that support is available whenever they’re ready. These suggestions do not mean that you are forcing them into treatment. Rather, it’s about making them aware of the resources and options available and expressing your concern in a non-confrontational way.

Take Care of Yourself

There’s no doubt that trying to support someone struggling with alcoholism, whether they’re in denial or not, can be emotionally exhausting. You might find yourself constantly worrying about their actions and even devoting all your time to make sure that they’re okay. Remember, however, that taking care of yourself is essential during tough times like these.

When someone doesn’t see the problems in their actions, it can take a serious toll on their mental and physical health. You may feel frustrated and heartbroken, but this is a natural reaction. Acknowledge these feelings and seek support on your own. Support can mean talking to a trusted friend or family member, joining a support group like Al-Anon, or speaking to a therapist who understands where you’re coming from.

Signs of Denial in Alcoholism

An alcoholic may feel scared to admit that there is a problem, and so denial often becomes a form of self-protection. Learning about the signs of denial in alcohol addiction can help you see the situation more clearly and approach it with empathy. 

Hiding and Secrecy

Someone with alcoholism often hides the fact that they’ve been drinking. They might hide bottles, lie about their whereabouts, or brush off how much alcohol they’ve had. This secrecy and downplaying can be a defence mechanism. 

Sometimes, deep down, a person in denial about their alcoholism knows that there is a fear that comes with facing the problem. Hiding their behaviour also helps avoid confronting the emotional weight that comes with acknowledging the issue.

Being Dismissive

Another sign of denial in alcoholism is being dismissive when someone brings up the topic of drinking. Dismissive statements like “I’m fine” and “You’re overreacting” can be their way of shutting down the conversation, so they don’t have to discuss it. Because the more drinking is brought up in casual conversations, the more likely it is to be close to the truth. 

When someone is in denial and minimises the issue, they don’t have to deal with uncomfortable feelings. They can pretend that everything is under control and avoid the consequences of their problems. 

Making False Promises

An alcoholic who’s in denial about their problem will continue to make false promises, especially when it comes to changing their behaviour. These promises may even seem sincere in the moment they are made, but there is often no follow-through. These promises can be very painful to hear, especially when you want someone to change. 

Blaming Others

Another way an alcoholic may avoid the problem at hand is to blame others. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they may say things like “I only drink because I’m stressed out,” or “If you were more understanding, I wouldn’t need to drink.” They tend to blame other people or external circumstances to avoid acknowledging that their drinking is a personal issue.

Why Does Denial Develop in Alcoholism?

When someone continues to avoid admitting their problem with alcohol, it’s often because they’re looking for a way to protect themselves from the reality emotionally. Here are some of the most common reasons why denial develops in alcoholism. 

  • Shame and Guilt: Many alcoholics feel that their problem is a moral failure. As such, they do not want to admit to their problem because they are afraid to be seen as weak or broken. Rather than admit to their harmful behaviour, they may tell themselves that everything is under control and continue to downplay the impact of their drinking.
  • Lack of Education: Not everyone who struggles with alcohol realises that they have a problem, and often, it’s because of a lack of education. Many people may have prejudices about addiction, so they may think that their alcohol consumption is normal. This lack of knowledge can keep someone in denial for a far longer period.
  • Fear of Change: Some alcoholics may fear the change of getting treatment. If someone uses alcohol to cope, then giving up drinking can feel very scary. As such, they may resist acknowledging the problem because they’re scared of what comes next. 
  • Co-Occurring Conditions: Alcoholism often co-occurs with mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression. People may use alcohol in these situations to cope with their emotional distress, and denial becomes a way to avoid facing both the drinking and mental health issues. 

How to Stage an Intervention for Alcohol Use Disorder

Staging an intervention for a loved one in denial about their drinking problem takes a lot of courage. An intervention involves gathering a small, trusted group of people who can express their concerns about someone else’s alcohol problem. 

During an intervention, each person should prepare a short, heartfelt message that demonstrates how their loved one has personally affected them. Remember that denial is a strong barrier when trying to convince someone that they need help.

Offering a clear path for accessing different treatment options can help them feel less overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next. Even if the intervention isn’t successful the first time, it’s still a step forward, especially when handled well. It lets the other person know that there are people who care and are ready to help when the time comes. 

How to Support an Alcoholic with Treatment 

Once your loved one has agreed to receive treatment, proper support becomes even more crucial. This is a tough time for both of you and the people around you. Encouragement and patience can help your loved one feel less alone during their recovery journey. 

When providing support, remember that everyone’s journey with addiction treatment is different. Progress may be slow for some, and others may even relapse after receiving treatment. Try not to get discouraged when these setbacks happen. A consistent presence and practical support can make a significant difference in their long-term recovery. 

Help Your Loved One Overcome Alcohol Addiction with PROMIS

A loved one in denial about their alcohol use disorder can be a heartbreaking and frustrating situation. At PROMIS, we’re committed to helping individuals through an empathetic and non-judgemental approach to addiction treatment.

Everyone’s approach to alcohol addiction treatment is different. Our expert team is dedicated to working closely with each client to ensure they receive the treatment they deserve. Reach out to PROMIS today and take the first step to long-term recovery. 

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