Helping a loved one or someone you know who has alcohol use disorder (AUD) can be a confusing and difficult situation. Sometimes, it can even be very frustrating, especially if you don’t know what to do. Learning the proper ways to help an alcoholic who doesn’t want help can give them the proper support while still protecting yourself. 

What to Do If an Alcoholic Refuses Help

If you want to help someone struggling with alcohol get help for their problem, there are different steps you can take. Here, we’ll talk about how you can properly help your loved one with alcohol addiction overcome their situation. 

Encourage Open Conversations

It can be scary to bring up alcohol use with someone you care about, but open and honest communication can go a long way.  For instance, timing matters when you’re trying to open the conversation about getting help for alcoholism. Avoid talking about the problem when the person you’re trying to help is under the influence of alcohol or when tensions are high. 

When approaching the situation, focus on how their behaviour affects you. Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness and show that your concern comes from a place of love and not a place of judgement. 

Accept What You Can and Can’t Control

Remember that no matter how much effort you put into helping someone stop alcohol use, you can’t force them to stop drinking. You also can’t force them to go to treatment or admit they have a problem. 

Despite all these difficulties, remember the one thing you can control: your response to the situation. Don’t make yourself feel guilty for choosing not to engage in the chaos. Doing so doesn’t make you cold; it simply means you’re prioritising stability in a rocky situation. 

Stay Compassionate, But Not Confrontational

In some cases, a person who’s struggling with alcoholism already knows that what they’re doing is wrong. It’s the fact that treatment can be so scary and daunting for them that makes them refuse to admit their problem and go to treatment. When this happens, try to lead with concern and not accusation. 

Don’t call them selfish or weak, even if you’re frustrated. Stay grounded in empathy even during times when you don’t understand why they’re acting a certain way. Try to listen more than you talk. Let the other person speak without interrupting; who knows, they may finally feel seen for the first time in a long while. 

Offer Support Without Enabling

Helping someone who struggles with alcohol can also mean a fine line between being there for them and enabling their destructive behaviour. However, learning the difference between true support and enabling can send a powerful message to your loved one. So when they refuse to get help, one of the kindest things you can do is stop minimising the blow of their consequences.

For example, don’t lie for them or bail them out when they get into trouble because of their drinking. Let them clean up their messes because these natural consequences can help them slowly realise that their problematic alcohol use is causing them harm. 

Involve a Professional

Bringing in a professional, such as therapists, social workers, and other addiction specialists, can make a huge difference when someone refuses help or insists they don’t have a problem. They can help you determine the appropriate things to say and how to express them in a way that encourages change. 

These professionals can also assess your loved one’s situation and help you plan the next steps, especially if they are resistant to help. Professional help can also introduce your loved one to different treatment options available for addiction. 

Set Healthy Boundaries

Effectively supporting someone else means protecting yourself first. This is where healthy boundaries come in. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re trying to manage their drinking or forcing them into treatment. It simply means being firm about what you’re willing to accept for your emotional and physical well-being. 

Although they may seem harsh at first, boundaries are ultimately a form of love. They demonstrate that your loved one’s actions have an impact on others. With the proper boundaries, you can eventually foster and cultivate a more honest and respectful dynamic in the relationship.

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Can You Force Someone into Rehab?

In the UK, it’s not possible to force someone into rehab. Even if it’s for someone else’s best interest, the law doesn’t allow you to force someone into a treatment programme for addiction alone. Addiction treatment must be voluntary, and adults must consent to remain in a rehab facility. 

However, the UK has the Mental Health Act (1983), where a person can be “sectioned” (detained involuntarily) for a serious mental health disorder and pose a threat to themselves or others. Since addiction is often linked to mental health issues, this can allow involuntary detention. Still, it’s unlikely that drug or alcohol addiction is the primary reason for “forcing” someone to go to rehab. 

Challenges of Living with an Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic or simply having an alcoholic who’s heavily involved in your life can make you experience a rollercoaster of emotions. Constantly dealing with their actions can have a profound impact on your life and present various challenges. 

For example, people struggling with substance use issues can feel so joyous and euphoric at one moment, then angry or withdrawn the next. This unpredictability can leave you feeling anxious. It can cause emotional whiplash, which may erode your sense of peace and safety. 

Additionally, living with an alcoholic can also lead to slowly losing yourself. It might be easy to forget who you are when you constantly feel like you have to adjust to their behaviour. Dealing with a loved one with alcohol problems may unknowingly force you to push your own needs aside, resulting in feelings of resentment and burnout.

Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder in a Loved One

If you’re thinking about whether you should encourage your loved one to seek help for alcoholism, look at whether they’re exhibiting different signs of AUD. The problem can manifest differently in various people, but here are some general symptoms to watch out for:

  • Using Alcohol to Cope: If you notice that your loved one is reaching for alcohol during tough times, it can signify a deeper emotional reliance on the substance. You may hear them say, “I need a drink to relax,” and, eventually, it might even be their default response to negative emotions. 
  • Loss of Control Over Drinking: AUD may also show up as an inability to limit how much your loved one drinks. They may say they’ll only have one or two drinks, but end up binge drinking. They may even promise to stop drinking, but continuously fail in their attempts to do so. 
  • Neglecting Responsibilities: Alcohol misuse can show up as slowly starting to miss work or skipping family obligations. Frequent neglect of these important responsibilities may mean that alcohol has taken over someone’s priorities in life. 
  • Relationship Problems and Struggles: Since alcohol can make someone very emotional, it can erode even the strongest of relationships. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells since you’re not sure about how the other person will act when they drink. 
  • Increased Tolerance: Continuously drinking in large amounts can lead to tolerance, and you may notice that your loved one needs more alcohol to feel the same effects. You might notice them reaching for more drinks or stronger kinds of alcohol, which can be a red flag that the body is becoming dependent on alcohol. 
  • Experiencing Withdrawal Symptoms: Withdrawal is one of the clearest signs that someone has become dependent on alcohol. Experiencing mood swings, tremors, and extreme cravings when they don’t drink can indicate a serious problem. 

Help an Alcoholic with PROMIS

While it can be heartbreaking to help an alcoholic who refuses to be open to treatment, hope is not lost. Recovery is rarely a straightforward process, and even the smallest steps toward change are significant.

At PROMIS, we understand that helping a loved one with alcohol misuse problems can be frustrating. However, our team offers an approach built on compassion and personalised care. We’re here to offer guidance on how you can properly approach the situation so that your loved one can live a healthier life free from alcohol. 

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