How to Help an Alcoholic Who Doesn’t Want Help and Refuses Treatment
Helping a loved one who has alcohol use disorder (AUD) can feel overwhelming, confusing, and emotionally exhausting—especially when they refuse help or deny there’s a problem. You may feel stuck between wanting to support them and needing to protect yourself from the fallout of their drinking.
While you can’t force someone to change, learning how to help an alcoholic who doesn’t want help can allow you to offer meaningful support while maintaining your own wellbeing.
What to Do If an Alcoholic Refuses Help
If you’re trying to help someone struggling with alcohol addiction, it’s important to approach the situation with patience, clarity, and realistic expectations. Below are practical ways to support your loved one without causing further harm to either of you.
Encourage Open and Honest Conversations
Starting a conversation about alcohol use can feel daunting, but honest communication is often the first step toward change.
Choose the right moment—avoid bringing up concerns when the person is intoxicated, emotionally heightened, or already defensive. Instead, speak when they are sober and calm.
Focus on how their drinking affects you, rather than criticising their behaviour. Using “I” statements such as “I feel worried when…” or “I’ve noticed I’m feeling anxious because…” can reduce defensiveness and make it easier for them to hear your concerns.
Accept What You Can—and Can’t—Control
No matter how much you care, you cannot force someone to stop drinking, admit they have a problem, or enter treatment. Recovery must ultimately be their choice.
What is within your control is how you respond. Choosing not to argue, rescue, or engage in chaos isn’t cold or uncaring—it’s a way of protecting your emotional stability in an unstable situation.
Letting go of responsibility for their choices can be one of the hardest but most important steps.
Stay Compassionate Without Being Confrontational
Many people who struggle with alcoholism already feel deep shame or fear around their behaviour. Aggressive confrontation often increases denial rather than motivation.
Lead with concern rather than blame. Avoid labelling them as selfish or weak, even when frustration builds. Staying grounded in empathy doesn’t mean excusing their behaviour—it means recognising that addiction is complex and often driven by fear and avoidance.
Listen more than you speak. Feeling heard can sometimes open the door to reflection when arguments cannot.
Offer Support Without Enabling
Supporting someone with alcohol problems often means walking a fine line between care and enabling.
Enabling behaviours—such as lying for them, covering up consequences, or repeatedly rescuing them from problems caused by drinking—can unintentionally prolong addiction.
Allowing natural consequences to occur, while still offering emotional support, can help your loved one recognise the impact of their drinking. Sometimes, not cushioning the fallout is one of the most compassionate choices you can make.
Involve a Professional
When someone refuses help, involving professionals such as therapists, addiction specialists, or social workers can be invaluable.
They can help you:
- Decide what to say (and what not to say)
- Understand your loved one’s level of risk
- Create a realistic plan moving forward
- Learn how to support recovery without sacrificing yourself
Professional guidance can also introduce your loved one to treatment options when they are ready—even if that readiness comes later.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Supporting someone else should never come at the cost of your own safety or wellbeing.
Boundaries aren’t about controlling their drinking or forcing treatment. They’re about being clear on what you will and won’t accept in your life. This might include refusing to tolerate verbal abuse, not providing money, or choosing to step away from situations involving drinking.
Although boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, they often lead to healthier, more honest relationships over time.
Challenges of Living With an Alcoholic
Living with—or closely supporting—someone with alcohol problems can take a significant emotional toll.
Mood swings, unpredictability, broken promises, and emotional volatility can create constant anxiety. Over time, you may find yourself prioritising their needs over your own, leading to exhaustion, resentment, and loss of identity.
Acknowledging these challenges isn’t selfish—it’s an important step toward protecting your mental health.
Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder in a Loved One
Alcohol use disorder can present differently from person to person, but common signs include:
- Using alcohol to cope with stress or emotions
- Loss of control over drinking, including failed attempts to cut down
- Neglecting responsibilities at work, home, or in relationships
- Frequent relationship conflict or emotional volatility
- Increased tolerance, needing more alcohol to feel the same effects
- Withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, mood swings, or intense cravings
If several of these signs are present, professional support may be necessary.
Getting Help With PROMIS
Helping an alcoholic who refuses treatment can feel heartbreaking—but change is still possible. Recovery is rarely linear, and even small shifts can matter.
At PROMIS, we understand how difficult it is to support a loved one through alcohol addiction. Our compassionate, personalised approach helps families navigate these situations with clarity, boundaries, and hope.
If you’re unsure what to do next, our team is here to guide you.
