How Does Living with an Alcoholic Affect You? Ways to Cope

Seeing a loved one struggle with alcoholism can be heartbreaking. If you’re in this position, you may not know what to do and feel hopeless about the situation. Asking the question, “How does living with an alcoholic affect you?” is an important first step toward protecting yourself and reclaiming your peace of mind. 

Impact of Living with an Alcoholic Partner

When your partner or spouse is an alcoholic, daily life can be a struggle. The person who should’ve been your safe space and confidant turns into someone you’re constantly worried about. Their behaviour can suddenly become unpredictable, and what was once comfortable now becomes uncertain.

Many people who are living with an alcoholic spouse often lose sight of their own needs. They may deal with an alcoholic partner by putting their partner’s needs before their own to manage their partner’s issues. 

There may also be an internal conflict that happens in those whose partners are struggling with alcoholism. These people may blame themselves for their partner’s behaviour or constantly question whether they can do something different to change their partner’s actions. 

Effects of Living with an Alcoholic Parent

People who grew up around an alcoholic parent carry a psychological and emotional burden that can carry on into adulthood. Someone raised by an alcoholic may be shaped by the environment they experienced during their childhood.

For example, living with parents who can’t control their drinking may lead to them blaming themselves for their parents’ drinking. They may also feel like they were never “good enough” for their parents to change, resulting in low self-worth and chronic guilt. Adults who have lived in this chaotic environment during their childhood may tend to have people-pleasing behaviour and constantly try to be perfect. 

Another long-term impact of living with an alcoholic parent while growing up is difficulty in trusting other people. Alcoholic parents tend to be unreliable or emotionally unpredictable. As a result, children grow up to think that even the people closest to them can’t be depended on. It can also cause a higher risk of anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. 

How Children Are Affected by Living with an Alcoholic Parent

Children with parents struggling with an alcohol problem suffer from immediate developmental and emotional impacts. They may live in fear because their parents’ behaviour constantly changes due to alcohol use. These children may deal with an overly affectionate parent one day and an emotionally distant parent the next.

Another way alcoholism affects children is that they tend to take on adult roles at a very young age, a dynamic known as parentification. Parentification has significant effects on a child’s development. Children of alcoholics may struggle with emotional regulation, withdraw socially, and experience academic difficulties. 

How to Recognise Alcoholism and Alcohol Dependence

Alcohol addiction will look different for everyone, and recognising the first signs of substance use disorder can help your loved one get the treatment they need. Some signs of alcoholism in a loved one include:

• Frequently drinking more than usual or consuming large amounts of alcohol in one sitting.
• Being unable to control their drinking despite the negative effects.
• Neglecting responsibilities due to drinking and the other effects of alcohol.
• Sudden changes in behaviour, especially when they don’t have access to alcohol.
• Using alcohol to cope with negative emotions like stress and sadness.
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms, such as tremors, mood swings, and intense cravings, when they can’t drink.

How to Cope and Deal with an Alcoholic

When you’re dealing with an alcoholic, especially when you live with them, it can get exhausting. Knowing how you can properly cope and deal with alcoholism can make the problem more manageable. 

Educate Yourself

One of the first things you can do when living with someone with alcohol use disorder is to educate yourself. This can help provide clarity about the situation and can also help you provide better support. Alcohol addiction is a complex disease. It’s not just about drinking too much. When you learn the effects of addiction, you can better see and understand the difference between your loved one and their illness. 

Build a Good Support System

It can be very isolating to deal with someone struggling with alcohol use disorder. It’s emotionally exhausting, and sometimes, it feels like you’re the only one who truly understands what you’re going through. However, the truth is you don’t have to do this alone.

You can build a strong support system by contacting people you trust. This can be a close friend, a sibling, or a coworker. Joining a support group like Al-Anon can also help you find a safe space where you feel like your feelings are valid. 

Encourage Open Communication

Encouraging open communication signifies that you’re ready to understand where your loved one is coming from. When having meaningful conversations about alcoholism, make sure that the other person is calm and sober. Don’t try to talk right after drinking or when tensions are already high, as this can create more problems.

When communicating your concerns, use “I” statements. Talk about how their behaviour affects you. Be honest, but gentle. There’s no need to pretend that everything’s fine. But even when the truth is hard, speaking with love can make all the difference. 

Don’t Make Excuses for Their Behaviour

Sometimes, we excuse another person’s behaviour out of fear of conflict or rejection. However, enabling someone’s harmful behaviour keeps the cycle going. In such situations, it’s important to recognise the difference between understanding and enabling.

If your loved one faces the consequences of their drinking, hold them accountable. Don’t cover up for them and avoid shielding them from the negative impacts of their alcohol use.

Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help

When your loved one is open to it, encourage them to seek professional help. Offer support and no pressure. Let them know that they won’t have to go through the recovery process alone and that you’re there for them. If they’re not ready to commit to rehab, suggest alternative options, such as talking to a GP or joining a 12-step group like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Take Care of Yourself

Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself. In dealing with the chaos, remember that you also deserve peace. There’s no doubt that helping someone with alcoholism can wear you down. Remember to allow yourself to feel what you feel, and that your world doesn’t have to revolve around their drinking.

It’s okay to take a break and to protect your mental and emotional health. This isn’t about abandoning the person you love. Instead, it’s about reminding yourself that your well-being also matters. 

Seek Help for Alcohol Addiction at PROMIS

Living with a loved one struggling with addiction is incredibly difficult, and it can affect your overall well-being. At PROMIS, we’re here to help you or a loved one get professional addiction treatment. Don’t hesitate to reach out once you’re ready to make way for change. Our team is more than happy to guide you through the steps and help you live a life free from alcoholism.