Practical Therapy to explore

Practical Therapy to explore

Treatment offers an excellent opportunity to practice and improve some of our communication skills. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a proven approach for addressing severe mood fluctuations, and its techniques can be beneficial even without extreme symptoms.

Being in a clinic provides a secure environment and a chance to practice these skills alongside a small group of individuals also eager to learn and practice healthier communication.

Today we will examine the DBT “DEAR MAN” Exercise


Effective communication is vital for navigating our personal and professional lives, yet many of us struggle to assert ourselves or express our needs clearly.

That’s where the DBT DEAR MAN Exercise comes in – a powerful tool designed to help you communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and build healthier relationships.

In this blog post, we’ll dive into what the DEAR MAN exercise entails, offer tips for success, and ultimately empower you with strong interpersonal skills to improve your mental health and well-being. 

Understanding The DBT DEAR MAN Exercise

The DBT DEAR MAN exercise is an evidence-based mnemonic device that helps individuals become more proficient in communication and interpersonal effectiveness by expressing wants and needs, setting boundaries, assertiveness, negotiation, conflict resolution and effective requests.

Describing The Situation


In the DBT DEAR MAN exercise, the first step is to describe the situation objectively and factually.

This involves focusing on specific events or behaviours rather than generalisations about a person or their character. By accurately describing what happened, you are laying a solid foundation for asserting your needs and navigating any potential conflicts.

For example, if you’re frustrated with a colleague who consistently misses deadlines and affects your productivity, begin by stating the exact instances when this has occurred.

Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” try describing particular incidents, such as “Last Monday’s project was submitted two days after our agreed deadline.”

This approach allows you to express your concerns without sounding accusatory, making others more likely to be receptive to your message. Providing clear descriptions creates an environment conducive to effective communication and problem-solving.

Expressing Feelings About The SituatiON


One critical aspect of the DBT DEAR MAN Exercise is expressing feelings about the situation. This step helps individuals clarify their emotions related to a specific issue, allowing for a more open and honest communication process with others involved.

It is essential to acknowledge and validate your own emotions during this phase, as it will assist in building empathy between both parties.

In order to effectively express feelings, using “I” statements can be particularly helpful. For instance, instead of saying, “You always interrupt me,” try rephrasing it as “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted during conversations.”

This approach shifts the focus from an accusatory tone to one that highlights personal experiences and emotions without directly blaming another person.

Additionally, taking time beforehand to reflect on your emotional state regarding the situation can help you articulate your feelings more accurately and lead to a productive conversation.

For example, suppose you feel overwhelmed due to work overload. In that case, acknowledging those stressors before discussing solutions allows all participants in the discussion– such as supervisors or colleagues –to understand better what may need adjustment or support within a professional context.

Asserting Oneself

Asserting oneself is another vital component of the DBT DEAR MAN exercise. It allows individuals to express their needs and wants in a confident and clear manner without being aggressive or passive. When asserting oneself, it’s important to use “I” statements and avoid blaming language to prevent triggering defensiveness in others.

For example, if you feel overwhelmed with your workload at work, you could assert yourself by saying, “I feel overloaded with my current workload, and I would appreciate some assistance in prioritising my tasks.” This statement clearly expresses your feelings while making a direct request for help.

Practising assertiveness can be challenging at first, but it’s essential for maintaining healthy communication habits and establishing boundaries in relationships.

With regular practice using the DEAR MAN method, asserting oneself can become second nature for better interpersonal effectiveness.

Reinforcing Requests

The “R” in DEAR MAN stands for reinforcing requests. This means that after expressing your wants or needs, you should reinforce them by highlighting the benefits of fulfilling them.

For example, if you want to take a day off from work and need someone to cover your shift, explain how it will benefit the other person by offering an opportunity for extra pay or building their skills.

Reinforcing requests can also include compromise and collaboration. Instead of just asking for what you want, consider finding a solution that works for both parties. By doing so, everyone involved feels valued and heard in the decision-making process.

In personal relationships, reinforcing requests can help establish healthy boundaries and create open communication.

By expressing your needs and reinforcing why they are important to you, others are more likely to understand where you’re coming from and be willing to meet you halfway. Remember that effective communication is key in any relationship!

Practising Mindfulness

In the context of the DBT DEAR MAN exercise, mindfulness refers to being present and aware of one’s thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgement or distraction.

Mindfulness is an essential part of communication because it helps individuals approach situations more calmly and with greater clarity. When practising DEAR MAN exercises, individuals are encouraged to use mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or body scanning to stay centred and focused on their goals.

For example, if someone uses DEAR MAN to negotiate a raise at work, they may start by taking a few deep breaths before entering their boss’s office.

By checking in with themselves first, they can approach the conversation with greater confidence and clarity. Additionally, incorporating mindfulness into regular communication practice can lead to healthy habits that promote better relationships overall.

When practising mindfulness within the context of DEAR MAN exercises, remember that everyone’s experience will be unique. Some people may find success through meditation or visualisation techniques, while others may prefer physical movements such as yoga or stretching.

The key is finding what works for you and incorporating those practices regularly into your life for optimal results in interpersonal effectiveness skills development.

Appearing Confident

When using the DBT DEAR MAN exercise, appearing confident is an essential part of effectively expressing your needs and wants.

Confidence can be conveyed through body language, such as maintaining good eye contact, having an assertive stance, and speaking clearly with a steady tone.

It’s important to remember that confidence is not about being aggressive or confrontational but rather about communicating in a respectful and clear manner.

For example, when asking for a raise at work, it’s important to appear confident while making your request. Maintaining good eye contact with your supervisor, standing tall with shoulders back, and speaking clearly without hesitation can convey confidence in your abilities and value to the company.

Remembering to remain calm and mindful during these conversations can also help you maintain this sense of confidence.

Overall, appearing confident during communication through the DEAR MAN exercise involves being aware of both verbal and nonverbal cues that signal self-assurance while remaining respectful towards others’ perspectives.

Practising this skill regularly can lead to improved relationships built on trust and mutual understanding.


Negotiation is an important aspect of the DBT DEAR MAN exercise. It involves finding common ground and reaching a compromise that satisfies everyone involved.

This can be challenging, but it’s crucial to effective communication and conflict resolution. Negotiating requires active listening skills, empathy, and assertiveness.

One example of using negotiation skills in daily life could be when dealing with a difficult coworker who isn’t pulling their weight on a project. You may need to negotiate tasks with them or come up with a solution that works for both parties. Another example could be negotiating boundaries in a relationship or asking for a raise at work.

To succeed in negotiations, it’s essential to remain flexible and open-minded while still standing firm on your needs and wants. Positive self-talk can also help boost confidence during the negotiation process.

Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals when necessary is also recommended to build healthy communication habits over time.

Tips For Success With DBT DEAR MAN

To effectively use the DBT DEAR MAN exercise in daily life, it’s important to practice regularly, remain flexible, use positive self-talk and seek support when needed.

Practice Regularly

Practice Regularly

One of the keys to success with the DBT DEAR MAN exercise is to practice regularly. Consistent practice will help you become more comfortable and confident in using this communication tool when faced with challenging situations.

It may also help you develop new healthy communication habits that can improve your relationships overall.

To make regular practice easier, try incorporating DEAR MAN into your daily routine. For example, use it during a work meeting, while having a conversation with your partner or friend, or even when making a simple request at a restaurant.

Practising in low-stakes situations can build confidence for when you need to use DEAR MAN in more high-pressure scenarios.

Remember that successful implementation of DBT skills like DEAR MAN takes time and effort. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t immediately feel natural or produce results right away – give yourself grace and keep practising!

Remain Flexible

One key tip to successfully using the DBT DEAR MAN exercise is to remain flexible. While it’s important to know what you want and express your needs clearly, it’s equally important to be open-minded and willing to negotiate.

Flexibility allows for compromise and can lead to a more mutually beneficial outcome.

For example, imagine using DEAR MAN with a coworker who frequently interrupts you during meetings. You may start by describing the situation and expressing how their interruptions make you feel disrespected.

Instead of demanding that they stop interrupting altogether, try suggesting a compromise, such as taking turns speaking or agreeing on specific times for each person to share their thoughts.

Remaining flexible also means being open to feedback and adjusting your approach if necessary. If your requests are not well-received, take a step back and listen actively to the other person’s perspective. Consider adjusting your tone or wording in order to communicate your needs better.

Overall, flexibility is an essential component of effective communication and interpersonal effectiveness. It requires patience, empathy, and willingness to work towards finding common ground with others while still advocating for yourself in healthy ways.

Use Positive Self-talk


Positive self-talk is an essential component of the DBT DEAR MAN exercise. The way we talk to ourselves has a significant impact on our emotions and behaviours, so it’s important to cultivate positive inner dialogue.

When using DEAR MAN, remind yourself that your wants and needs are valid and worth expressing assertively. Focus on your strengths and capabilities rather than fixating on perceived weaknesses or limitations.

One effective technique for promoting positive self-talk is to use affirmations. Repeat simple but powerful phrases like “I am worthy,” “I deserve respect,” or “I am capable of handling this situation.”

These can help boost confidence and reduce anxiety in communication situations. Additionally, try not to criticise or judge yourself harshly if things don’t go exactly as planned with DEAR MAN – treat missteps as learning opportunities and work towards improvement next time.

Remember that building healthy communication habits takes practice, patience, and positivity. With consistent effort, you can develop a more confident and empowered mindset when it comes to expressing your needs effectively through DEAR MAN.

Seek Support When Needed

It’s important to recognise that the DBT DEAR MAN exercise may not be easy to master. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to learn from setbacks.

If you find yourself struggling with any aspect of this communication strategy or feel like you’re not making progress despite your best efforts, seeking support can be incredibly helpful.

One option is to work with a therapist who specialises in DBT skills training. A skilled therapist can help you identify areas for improvement and offer personalised guidance as you develop your communication skills.

Additionally, joining a support group or enlisting the help of trusted friends or family members can provide valuable feedback and encouragement on your journey toward more effective communication.

Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. Everyone has room for growth when it comes to interpersonal effectiveness – even experts in the field! Being open to feedback and willing to stretch outside of your comfort zone are key factors in becoming an excellent communicator through the use of DBT DEAR MAN exercises.


In conclusion, the DBT DEAR MAN exercise is an evidence-based mnemonic device that can improve communication skills and increase interpersonal effectiveness.

By using this strategy, individuals can effectively express their wants and needs while still maintaining healthy relationships with those around them.

Whether it’s dealing with difficult coworkers or negotiating for a raise, practising assertiveness and boundary-setting through DEAR MAN can lead to positive outcomes.

Remember to remain flexible, seek support when needed, and use positive self-talk to ensure success with this helpful communication tool.

With regular practice of DBT skills such as emotional regulation, mindfulness training, and coping strategies, individuals can experience personal growth and improved mental health as they navigate life’s challenges. 

You can fill out this form or call us directly

    Leave a Comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Call Now ButtonCall Now